just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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