Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
