I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
