Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
