I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
