My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
