How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
