i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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