I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
