and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
