Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
