I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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