Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
