his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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