Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize