you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
