whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
