Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize