All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
