Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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