i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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