Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.

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(805): View more from California

just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?

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(419): View more from Ohio

Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...

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(415): View more from California

sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.

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(817): View more from Texas

We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night

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(415): View more from California

Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.

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