A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
