just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
