I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
