I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
