do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
