you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
