Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
