First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
