one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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