dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
