You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
this just has baby written all over it
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
