If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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