apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
