We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
