I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she woke up with a sticky ear
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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