Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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