just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
