At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
