my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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