I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize