Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
