The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She bit a glass in half.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
