so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
