Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You dont lie about slip and slides
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
BRING THE BAGELS
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
