Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
