Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
