apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize