at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
