Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
