I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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