He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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