ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
