how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's shark week go big or go home
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
