Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
