Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
