I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
