he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
