I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize