I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
