are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
