Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
