weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
