Plan B is the new Plan A
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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