The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
whose ass print is on the piano?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
