obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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