he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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