so that wasnt chicken after all
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
