I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
