found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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