Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Randomize
