This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
